F30POST
F30POST
2012-2015 BMW 3-Series and 4-Series Forum
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
BMW 3-Series and 4-Series Forum (F30 / F32) | F30POST > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board > Politics/Religion > And on a lighter note...
Extreme Power House
Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      05-18-2012, 10:28 AM   #1
OldArmy
Lieutenant
United_States
20
Rep
522
Posts

Drives: 2007 Z4 3.0si
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Virginia

iTrader: (0)

And on a lighter note...

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE

BY JOHN CLEESE


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya
, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet
again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been
"A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.


-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person


A final thought: Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC
Appreciate 0
      05-18-2012, 11:39 AM   #2
ScotchAndCigar
Banned
ScotchAndCigar's Avatar
United_States
9
Rep
817
Posts

Drives: 2011 128i space gray vert
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New England

iTrader: (0)

That's good. Funny, I was just thinking of Monty Python as we rehearsed the Liberty Bell march last night. I couldn't help but picture the opening of the MP's Flying Circus show, with the fart-sound ending.
Appreciate 0
      05-18-2012, 12:34 PM   #3
Fox128i
First Lieutenant
Fox128i's Avatar
Germany
4
Rep
317
Posts

Drives: 2012 E82
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Dromund Kaas

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2012 128i  [4.75]
That gave me a good chuckle, especially the bit about the French. Gotta love John Cleese
__________________
Deutsche Bahn, DB | Österreichische Bundesbahnen, ÖBB | Schweizerische Bundesbahnen, SBB
Appreciate 0
      05-18-2012, 01:03 PM   #4
mspeasl
Sixties Drag Racer
mspeasl's Avatar
United_States
19
Rep
409
Posts

Drives: 2011 Cashmere Silver 528i
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Decatur, IL - USA

iTrader: (0)

This is a good one. Finally something we all can agree about.
__________________
Mspeasl - Central Illinois - USA :
My Garage: 2011 - Cashmere Silver Metallic BMW, 528i (Delivered 17 January 2011)
2008 - Radiant Red Toyota, M6 'X-Runner' (Delivered 15 November 2007)
1957 - Chevrolet Bel Air 2dr Coupe' Drag Car (2nd Owner since 1964)
1947 - Chevrolet Sport Master Coupe' Street Rod (2nd Owner since 1974)
Appreciate 0
      05-31-2012, 01:30 PM   #5
ecleland
Captain
ecleland's Avatar
United_States
85
Rep
634
Posts

Drives: 2015 YBM M3
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Dallas TX

iTrader: (1)

Garage List
2015 BMW M3  [0.00]
2011 BMW 135i  [0.00]
2007 BMW X5  [0.00]
Laughed so loud had to close my office door
Appreciate 0
      05-31-2012, 04:47 PM   #6
GoldenMember
If you ain't first, you're last!
GoldenMember's Avatar
Singapore
6
Rep
572
Posts

Drives: '13 Boxster S + 10' 1198S
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Europe

iTrader: (0)

I like the Spanish and Australian ones
Appreciate 0
      05-31-2012, 09:55 PM   #7
kmarei
Major General
kmarei's Avatar
Egypt
159
Rep
6,562
Posts

Drives: 2015 Alfa Romeo 4C LE
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Reston, VA

iTrader: (33)

Garage List
Hilarious
Love the one about the french
I downloaded the month python app on my iPhone
It's got some of their best bits
The dead parrot skit still kills me
__________________
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:37 AM.




f30post
f30post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST