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      02-26-2013, 09:23 PM   #1
dude987
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Bimmer Humor

After taking a nice leisurely Sunday drive in my new 335i xDrive last weekend, I got home to find a note on the refrigerator. It said, "It's not working. Gone home to mom's."

I opened the refrigerator door. The lights were working. The beer was cold??? WTF is she talking about???
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      02-26-2013, 09:37 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dude987 View Post
After taking a nice leisurely Sunday drive in my new 335i xDrive last weekend, I got home to find a note on the refrigerator. It said, "It's not working. Gone home to mom's."

I opened the refrigerator door. The lights were working. The beer was cold??? WTF is she talking about???
Good one
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      02-26-2013, 10:32 PM   #3
bizzyqu
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road last weekend?
A: Because the new 335i xDrive had finished passing, and he can now get to the other side
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      02-27-2013, 08:49 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bizzyqu View Post
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road last weekend?
A: Because the new 335i xDrive had finished passing, and he can now get to the other side
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      02-27-2013, 03:31 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dude987 View Post
After taking a nice leisurely Sunday drive in my new 335i xDrive last weekend, I got home to find a note on the refrigerator. It said, "It's not working. Gone home to mom's."

I opened the refrigerator door. The lights were working. The beer was cold??? WTF is she talking about???
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      02-27-2013, 03:41 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bizzyqu
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road last weekend?
A: Because the new 335i xDrive had finished passing, and he can now get to the other side
:
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      02-27-2013, 08:21 PM   #7
mdsbuc
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A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeemer!!!", he whiningly said. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?
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      02-28-2013, 12:59 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dude987 View Post
After taking a nice leisurely Sunday drive in my new 335i xDrive last weekend, I got home to find a note on the refrigerator. It said, "It's not working. Gone home to mom's."

I opened the refrigerator door. The lights were working. The beer was cold??? WTF is she talking about???
hahaha
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      02-28-2013, 12:20 PM   #9
chrisny
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You guys need to get out more...
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      02-28-2013, 12:49 PM   #10
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Here's a good un,
I'm happy with my 328i and and I do not regret not getting the 335i...
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      02-28-2013, 01:06 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dude987 View Post
After taking a nice leisurely Sunday drive in my new 335i xDrive last weekend, I got home to find a note on the refrigerator. It said, "It's not working. Gone home to mom's."

I opened the refrigerator door. The lights were working. The beer was cold??? WTF is she talking about???


I don't get it.
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      03-01-2013, 07:25 AM   #12
KyleBerg
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"It's not working" was meant to refer to their relationship (instead of the fridge, which obviously works). *g*
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      03-01-2013, 01:35 PM   #13
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What's the difference between a BMW owner and a hemorrhoid?




A hemorrhoid has the asshole on the outside.
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      03-01-2013, 02:11 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GB72 View Post
Here's a good un,
I'm happy with my 328i and and I do not regret not getting the 335i...
+1
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      03-03-2013, 05:32 PM   #15
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Here is another one:

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to s**t yourself when I tell you the price.
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      03-03-2013, 10:00 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dude987 View Post
After taking a nice leisurely Sunday drive in my new 335i xDrive last weekend, I got home to find a note on the refrigerator. It said, "It's not working. Gone home to mom's."

I opened the refrigerator door. The lights were working. The beer was cold??? WTF is she talking about???
Went to Home Depo, bought a new fridge. Went to Vons, bought a six pack. Went to her mother's, bought you freedom.

Only explanation.
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      03-03-2013, 10:10 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rolux Magnum View Post
Here is another one:

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to s**t yourself when I tell you the price.

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      03-07-2013, 12:56 AM   #18
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A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him.

"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer
*
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      03-07-2013, 03:11 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmwlvr60 View Post
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him.

"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer
*
Trying my best not to laugh out loud in the office
Good one
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      03-07-2013, 05:06 AM   #20
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Guy speeding down the motorway in his BMW, was pulled over by Policeman holding a radar gun. Officers remark to driver, "Run out of Runway" when asked what he did for a living, driver replied a "Rectum Stretcher", what do you mean asked the officer, driver replied, I insert one finger and then two, gradually get my hand in and move it around and after a while I have a rectum of 6 feet, and what would you do with a rectum of 6 feet, no probs says the driver, I would give it a radar gun and hide it behind a bridge


This isnt BMW related but what the heck:-
Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.

"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle
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