F30POST
F30POST
2012-2015 BMW 3-Series and 4-Series Forum
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Today's Posts
BMW 3-Series and 4-Series Forum (F30 / F32) | F30POST > 2012-2019 BMW 3 and 4-Series Forums > Regional Forums > UK > UK - Off Topic > Humour
GetBMWParts
Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      04-13-2016, 05:51 AM   #1
Edinburra
Major
Edinburra's Avatar
United Kingdom
547
Rep
1,484
Posts

Drives: Audi A5
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland.

iTrader: (0)

Humour

These are actual comments made by 16 US Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."(National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."
Appreciate 2
      04-13-2016, 05:58 AM   #2
SDH
Captain
409
Rep
903
Posts

Drives: .
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: UK

iTrader: (0)

Very funny, and yes 16 is brilliant.
Appreciate 0
      04-13-2016, 05:59 AM   #3
....,,,,..,,..
General
No_Country
6733
Rep
20,651
Posts

Drives: xxxx
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: xxxx

iTrader: (0)

Can I just stop you there, you used Humour and America and Police.

The latter2 I can see in a sentence, however using Humour is really stretching it

Next you will be saying the Germans have a sense of humour
Appreciate 2
      04-15-2016, 04:47 PM   #4
Quantox
Captain
309
Rep
649
Posts

Drives: 440iGC, CQ, Ivory White, MPPSK
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Keswick

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigand View Post
Can I just stop you there, you used Humour and America and Police.

The latter2 I can see in a sentence, however using Humour is really stretching it

Next you will be saying the Germans have a sense of humour
I see what you mean, he should have used "Humor" in an American scenario, well spotted!

Q
__________________
2018 440i Gran Coupe, MPPSK, Champagne Quartz, Ivory White, Adaptive Susp., Sunroof, Active Security, CA and a few other bits.
Appreciate 1
      04-15-2016, 05:11 PM   #5
subsy
Major
United Kingdom
453
Rep
1,163
Posts

Drives: 340i F31
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Nr Reading, UK

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brigand
Can I just stop you there, you used Humour and America and Police.

The latter2 I can see in a sentence, however using Humour is really stretching it

Next you will be saying the Germans have a sense of humour
Yes that's their Sin für Humor!
__________________
F31 340i MG|CR
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:42 AM.




f30post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST