[HelmutVisor]

Before smart phones and the internet, people like that would have been calved by some toothless slapper then bimbled through a shite education, left school at 12, worked for the council counting park benches, squirted their porridge up some other toothless moron producing more fuckwits, retired then died and no one would have been any the wiser to their existence.

Those people still exist but we can hear and see the retards now due to the aforementioned technology.

[Blacktemplar]

People who buy a Honda Jizz. They are invariably old, slow and clearly not in command of either their faculties or the vehicle. Driving above 20mph is an alien concept, as is parking properly, stopping at T-Junctions or signalling.

I appreciate that one day I will be old and quite probably a Honda Jizz or Nissan Microfibre will somehow seem appealing, but my children have quite clear and unambiguous instructions;

1. If I bring home a Honda or Nissan brochure, shoot me. Twice. In the head.
2. If I purchase any form of motorised transport (including a motability scooter) that puts out less than 200bhp, shoot me.
3. If I drive at less than the mandated maximum speed limit without due cause, shoot me.
4. If I start wearing a flat cap and/or driving gloves, even in the depths of winter, shoot me.
5. If I purchase any form of beige clothing, particularly fabricated from polyester, you've guessed it - shoot me.

[mcoops]

Everyone relax. Just saw this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-38510344

It'll be just like drone technology - within 5 years they'll be miniaturised and available on Amazon, and we can vapourise anyone who offends us on the spot!

[JLR1969]

Originally Posted by Blacktemplar

People who buy a Honda Jizz. They are invariably old, slow and clearly not in command of either their faculties or the vehicle. Driving above 20mph is an alien concept, as is parking properly, stopping at T-Junctions or signalling.

I appreciate that one day I will be old and quite probably a Honda Jizz or Nissan Microfibre will somehow seem appealing, but my children have quite clear and unambiguous instructions;

1. If I bring home a Honda or Nissan brochure, shoot me. Twice. In the head.
2. If I purchase any form of motorised transport (including a motability scooter) that puts out less than 200bhp, shoot me.
3. If I drive at less than the mandated maximum speed limit without due cause, shoot me.
4. If I start wearing a flat cap and/or driving gloves, even in the depths of winter, shoot me.
5. If I purchase any form of beige clothing, particularly fabricated from polyester, you've guessed it - shoot me.

I think flat caps are pretty cool

[430GH]

1, Fog lights for no reason
2, Middle lane tw@ts
3, Folk overtaking another car at 0.5 mph on the outside lane and then failing as the other car speeds up by 0.45 mph
4, Layabouts
5, giving said layabouts a platform to tell other layabout how fantastic they are
6, Folk who believe they are intelligent watching said layabouts on TV and think its great entertainment
7, Layabouts producing more layabouts
8, Fucking layabouts!!!!
9, The general public
10, Preis car owners

[Herr Dreier]

Originally Posted by mcoops

Everyone relax. Just saw this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-38510344

It'll be just like drone technology - within 5 years they'll be miniaturised and available on Amazon, and we can vapourise anyone who offends us on the spot!

That BBC article quotes a US ship called the USS Ponce. Really?

[73henny]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

I think flat caps are pretty cool

+1

[Nobby Clark]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

I think flat caps are pretty cool

This man made the flat cap cool. Not the other way around!

[Blacktemplar]

Tragically few - if any of us on this forum - are Geordie rock gods. Otherwise it just makes you look like a hipster bell-end 😉

[TouringPleb]

Originally Posted by Blacktemplar

Tragically few - if any of us on this forum - are Geordie rock gods. Otherwise it just makes you look like a hipster bell-end 😉

And there's nothing and I mean NOTHING worse than looking like a hipster bell-end!

[Wills2]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

Getting up at 6am and getting on a train to London after having 2 weeks off

I can beat that, getting up at 4.30am and driving for 4 hours after 2 weeks off, to find most of your staff couldn't be arsed turning up! To find your bosses are not in the US as you'd assumed and that you haven't got a clue what has or hasn't happened but are thrown into a review meeting and have to start tap dancing verbally.

I smiled a lot and said "I'll get back to you on that"

[Blacktemplar]

This;

Veganuary: Is following a vegan diet for a month worth it?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-38506418

Is that the same as Vajazzle or Vaganuary? You'd be a right fanny to give up meat for a month....

[225]

Todays nuggets..
People using lifts for 1, 2 or 3 floors in either direction when quite capable of using stairs.
People spending 5 minutes trying to park in a tiny space just to avoid walking an extra 20 seconds.
People deciding to drive at 30mph in rush hour for no apparent reason. If you are in no hurry feck off out of the way until the rest of us have got to work.
People.

[Edinburra]

Originally Posted by JLR1969

I think flat caps are pretty cool

Also knitted yellow gloves are quite 'hip' don't you know?

[Edinburra]

Originally Posted by Blacktemplar

People who buy a Honda Jizz. They are invariably old, slow and clearly not in command of either their faculties or the vehicle. Driving above 20mph is an alien concept, as is parking properly, stopping at T-Junctions or signalling.

How very dare you, I'll have you know that the noble Honda Jazz is the finest shopping trolley known to mankind/womankind. Uncompromised for interior space and versatility it is without equal. The present Mrs Edinburra is on her second and swears (at) by them. Just as long as it is not let out of town. They get lost easily.

[HelmutVisor]

Uncompromised for interior space and versatility it is without equal.

Who the hell buys a car with functionality as a priority??


It's equal to a feckin fridge.......

[TouringPleb]

Drivers on a dual carriageway who when approaching a roundabout 3/4 of a mile away pull out into the right lane and then slow down to 40mph until they finally reach said roundabout.

[HelmutVisor]

And people who pull out from a junction on to a main road forcing you to brake because they've tried to get out in front quickly but fail to have any fucking awareness because if they'd bothered to look behind you, the road is clear for miles. These special people deserve to catch Diphtheria.

[....,,,,..,,..]

Originally Posted by TouringPleb

Drivers on a dual carriageway who when approaching a roundabout 3/4 of a mile away pull out into the right lane and then slow down to 40mph until they finally reach said roundabout.

That's my daily commute crap I have to put up with, also try at least 3 miles and 4 roundabouts in the right lane and slow down even more.

Luckily I don't feel guilty driving faster than them in the left hand lane.

However, yes they do my head in.

[Wills2]

Originally Posted by TouringPleb

Drivers on a dual carriageway who when approaching a roundabout 3/4 of a mile away pull out into the right lane and then slow down to 40mph until they finally reach said roundabout.

That's when you blast past on the inside at 70mph, you know, maintaining lane discipline, er officer....

[DougMcL]

Originally Posted by HelmutVisor

And people who pull out from a junction on to a main road forcing you to brake because they've tried to get out in front quickly but fail to have any fucking awareness because if they'd bothered to look behind you, the road is clear for miles. These special people deserve to catch Diphtheria.

Guy in a Bentley did this to me today in town. Nothing behind me at all. Pulled out in front of me. Accelerated hard for fifty yards, then braked and indicated to parallel park in front of me. I then had to stop and let him park. Still nothing behind me. WTF?

[HelmutVisor]

Originally Posted by Lobb

My mother.

She has an automatic Honda Jazz........

Shoot her in the face....