[Soul_Glo]

If you know any dirty jokes or stories then feel free to add them here. Always enjoyed hearing and reading dirty jokes... sometimes you just need a good laugh.

Here is one to start...

One day Pastor Flaps was looking out of the church window, when he saw Janice, a 15 old member of his flock staggering down the road and entering the pub.

He rushed over to the pub and insisted she left or he would tell her mother. Janice refused and a scuffle broke out as the Pastor tried to pull her out the pub. They both fell onto the floor in a heap with the pastor on top.

The bar man came out from behind the bar, shouting it was a family pub and he didn't want any sexual business taking place on the premises.

The pastor looked round shocked and said

' for Christs sake, i'm Pastor Flaps'

[Rbrown]

Two good insults...

"God made him the perfect ar$ehole...he will never get piles"

"<insert name of somebody you dont like> went to his doctors to ask for a circumcision. The doctor comes out and says "I cant do the operation...there is no end to that p$ick"

[Soul_Glo]

:

[SteveChester]

BOOM BOOM!

[Broncho]

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

[Broncho]

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus.

[Broncho]

A girl realised that she had grown hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her mum about it, her mum calmly said:

"That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

[Kal101]

What’s the difference between Clint Eastwood and Anal sex

One makes your day and the other makes your whole week.

Simillar t9 the one above.

[Kal101]

Not a joke as such but a good insult that’s quite funny

Used it a few times, please feel free to use

“ You’re the one time your mum should have swallowed!”

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by Lobb

An English man, an Irish man and a Greek go into a bar...

... finish the joke

[Lewis Mc]

I applied to be a sperm donor and was asked by the nurse if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet'




From /Jokes on Reddit has me in stitches constantly

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by Lewis Mc

I applied to be a sperm donor and was asked by the nurse if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet'




From /Jokes on Reddit has me in stitches constantly

:

[Broncho]

Sir Paul McCartney was being interviewed on radio not long after divorcing Heather Mills, digging for information about his future the interviewer asked:

“I suppose you won’t be going down on one knee again then?”

To which sir Paul replied:

“Certainly not and I’d prefer it if you called her Heather.”

[rich100]

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but l have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and l will put them in with my two male parrots who l taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

[Hooded]

Why did the skeleton cross the road?

... to get to the other side!

[Rbrown]

Originally Posted by Lewis Mc

I applied to be a sperm donor and was asked by the nurse if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet'




From /Jokes on Reddit has me in stitches constantly

Brilliant!

I can think of some former members who would be interested in competing for the cup...but they will cover it with "modifications" and make videos of them on You Tube!

[Cilonen]

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now completely nude, she purred at him,

"What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..."

[Broncho]

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Samantha?” She answers, “My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.”

“Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative,” the teacher praises. “Okay, one more volunteer.” Little Johnny raises his hand. “Yes, Johnny?”

“Well,” he says, “I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, ‘Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?’ and he says, ‘I don’t know son, but it’s gonna take that contagious.'”

[Malone]

A man walks into a pub and sees a guy sitting at the bar with a row of upturned shot glasses in front of him
Intrigued, he asked “You celebrating something mate?”
“Yeah,” came the reply “I’ve just had my first blow job”
“Wow, congratulations, let me buy you another”
“Thanks”, says the guy at the bar “but if nine whiskeys don’t get rid of the taste, nothing will”.

[UKF30]

Originally Posted by Lewis Mc

I applied to be a sperm donor and was asked by the nurse if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet'


From /Jokes on Reddit has me in stitches constantly

That’s hilarious mate

[gsxr750k3]

A welsh girl says to her dad, Daddy can you get pregnant from having anal sex and the dad said of course darling where do you think the English come from

Its a Joke

[troggy1969]

2 gay Irishmen, Paddy Fitzmuphy and Murphy Fitzpatrick