[Darth Helmut]

"And Cloister spake, `Lo, I shall lead you to Fyushal, and there
we shall open a temple of food, wherein shall be sausages and doughnuts and all manner of bountiful things. And those who serve
shall have hats of great majesty, yea, though they be made of coloured cardboard and have humorous arrows through the top.'"
There were thousands of years of fighting between the two factions.
The ones who believed the hats should be red, and the ones
who believed the hats should be blue."

The supreme deity in their religion is Cloister. Legend has it that Cloister was frozen in time to save Frankenstein, the Holy Mother of the cat-people. He would eventually return and lead the cat-people to Fushal, the Promised Land. After arriving at Fushal, the cats will be able to partake of all manner of hotdog and donut and they would wear hats of great majesty, though they be made of colored cardboard and have humorous arrows through the top. At least, that's what legend says. This is actually their interpretation of Lister's plan to open a hotdog and donut diner stand on Fiji, but three million years of retelling the tale warped the names and events beyond recognition.

Most of the cats on Red Dwarf died in Holy Wars fought between the two factions -- those who thought the hats should be red and those who thought the hats should be blue. Daft, especially since, according to Lister, they were supposed to be green. The cats not killed in Holy Wars built two arks, one for red-hats and one for blue-hats, and they left Red Dwarf in search of Fushal. They used a star chart Cloister supposedly left for Frankenstein. The sacred writings read "Seven socks. One shirt." Unfortunately, Lister had lined Frankenstein's basket with his laundry list. So one ark crashed into a comet, and the other flew onward forever.


For hundreds of years it has been universally believed that the first page of the Bible has been removed. The earliest copies of the Bible have all shown indications of the first page being torn out and as a result any future copies of the Bible have omitted this page.

There has been much speculation of the contents of this missing first page with the most common belief that it contained the exact date of the extermination of mankind.


Archaeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is presently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read

"To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental."

The page has been universally condemned by church leaders.



Q.E.D.

[JNW1]

Originally Posted by Alex440

But, do you know what, he's brighter and sharper than May is, or she wouldn't be royally fucking up this election. I'll fire a question back at you. If she can't even wipe the floor with the "useless cunt" Corbyn in this election, what chance does she have against intelligent politicians during Brexit negotiations?

This has exercised my mind over the last week or two as well. I think May's leadership of the Conservative election campaign has been poor to say the least and even if she wins on Thursday she ought to be embarrassed at how close Corbyn and Labour have managed to get (assuming of course the polls are anywhere near correct!).

However, mediocre though she undoubtedly is, I still think anyone who's seriously thinking of voting for Corbyn and Co isn't playing with a full deck. Labour always make a hash of the economy whenever they're let anywhere near it and all their grandiose promises of spending will soon come to nought when, like the last Labour regime, they get to a point where there's no money left (something they'll probably achieve in record time with an imbecile like McDonnell as Chancellor).

So, whilst I agree May isn't great, I think the Sunday Times had it right in their editorial at the weekend when they said "wake up, smell the coffee and vote Conservative".

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

Originally Posted by JD6

We're not talking about real austerity, just not running a deficit in the good times, so that we can support the economy in the difficult times. It is absurd to think that we can go on increasing our borrowing each year without any consequence.

We may be the fifth largest economy, but it's GDP per head that counts, for obvious reasons. It may be that we should raise taxes to pay for better healthcare and education, but if we do that let's be honest about it and raise all income tax bands as in Scandinavia, not just raise taxes on the parts of society which don't vote for your party like Labour is suggesting.

Just cutting costs and not doing anything else is austerity. Just blanket raises in income tax are too simplistic as well, further punishing those that already pay their fair share.

I'm not a politician or an economist, but there are things we can do differerently,

Trident is massively too expensive. There was a credible much cheaper alternative proposed, which actually made more sense. Dual use of the equipment used to deliver the nuclear weapons in conventional combat. A fucking nuclear submarine isn't much use for anything else. Right now it will be an enormously expensive deterrent that hopefully will never be used. Trident takes up approximately a third of all military spending. Scrap it for the alternative and increase our dwindling military and put some money back into the wider economy.

Foreign aid. Stop being so rule driven. Just because someone said we should donate 0.7% of GDP we do. But, of the G7 countries only us and Germany do, another country that likes rules. America donate 0.18%, so even if we cut ours in half, we'd be doing ok.

Stop people fiddling their taxes, too many people across the country draw a minimum wage salary and then get paid in dividends and pay much less tax than a regular employee.

There you go, 3 ideas to reduce the need for austerity and not blanket increase taxes. Surely if I can come up with ideas, flawed or not, our politicians should be trying a little harder and not just doing the same thing over and over again.

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

Originally Posted by JNW1

This has exercised my mind over the last week or two as well. I think May's leadership of the Conservative election campaign has been poor to say the least and even if she wins on Thursday she ought to be embarrassed at how close Corbyn and Labour have managed to get (assuming of course the polls are anywhere near correct!).

However, mediocre though she undoubtedly is, I still think anyone who's seriously thinking of voting for Corbyn and Co isn't playing with a full deck. Labour always make a hash of the economy whenever they're let anywhere near it and all their grandiose promises of spending will soon come to nought when, like the last Labour regime, they get to a point where there's no money left (something they'll probably achieve in record time with an imbecile like McDonnell as Chancellor).

So, whilst I agree May isn't great, I think the Sunday Times had it right in their editorial at the weekend when they said "wake up, smell the coffee and vote Conservative".

Voting conservative in Chesterfield is a wasted vote anyway in our electoral system. If you wanted me to help keep Labour out you should encourage me to vote Liberal.

The poor Liberal showing in this campaign is probably pretty good for the Labour Party.

[Darth Helmut]

I agree, May and the Tories have made a right old hash of the campaign. What started off as a very clever 'Lets see what you are made of, Labour' has backfired.

People should remain focussed on what an election campaign is all about. Lies, dirt and shouting louder than the opposition. Labour win hands down on all counts. May and her team have not taken the initiative and simply for that, deserve a bloody nose. The stakes are far too high to just put it down to experience.

Electioneering and actually running a country are two very different things. UK elections are starting to turn in to the US style of bollocks. I find the Tory angle of 'Vote for May' too much like a presidential campaign and the Tories should realise that using her personality as a rallying cry is akin to BMW using the 2 Series Touring as their premium model.

I've seen far too much trying to dirty the opposition as opposed to telling the electorate what their party will actually do. That in itself does not lead to confidence in whatever party gets in if all they are doing is fending off the opposition.

Parliament deserves UKIP and the population deserves whatever they allow.

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

Originally Posted by Darth Helmut

I agree, May and the Tories have made a right old hash of the campaign. What started off as a very clever 'Lets see what you are made of, Labour' has backfired.

People should remain focussed on what an election campaign is all about. Lies, dirt and shouting louder than the opposition. Labour win hands down on all counts. May and her team have not taken the initiative and simply for that, deserve a bloody nose. The stakes are far too high to just put it down to experience.

Electioneering and actually running a country are two very different things. UK elections are starting to turn in to the US style of bollocks. I find the Tory angle of 'Vote for May' too much like a presidential campaign and the Tories should realise that using her personality as a rallying cry is akin to BMW using the 2 Series Touring as their premium model.

I've seen far too much trying to dirty the opposition as opposed to telling the electorate what their party will actually do. That in itself does not lead to confidence in whatever party gets in if all they are doing is fending off the opposition.

Parliament deserves UKIP and the population deserves whatever they allow.

That's a clever spin on why the conservatives have struggled, Labour have shouted loudest and smeared the best. You should be a politician.

You touched on it in your second part, but it is ALL down to that, the Conservatives have run a poor campaign and announced unpopular policies when they only had to keep quiet and watch the votes increase. It's a work of complete idiocy.

You can't have it all ways, Corbyn and particularly Abbott are useless I agree, so their so called shouting and smearing should have very little impact. Plus, every time Boris opens his mouth he is putting down the Labour Party instead of bigging up the Tories. The Tories have absolutely no one to blame for what lies ahead other than themselves.

Bloody David Cameron to blame for all this shit. How ironic if the Brexit vote not only costs him his job, but the Tories power too. Oh how I bet he wishes he could turn back the clock.

Whoever wins, his legacy will be giving us the worst PM in our history.

[Rukka]

Originally Posted by Darth Helmut

"And Cloister spake, `Lo, I shall lead you to Fyushal, and there
we shall open a temple of food, wherein shall be sausages and doughnuts and all manner of bountiful things. And those who serve
shall have hats of great majesty, yea, though they be made of coloured cardboard and have humorous arrows through the top.'"
There were thousands of years of fighting between the two factions.
The ones who believed the hats should be red, and the ones
who believed the hats should be blue."".............................blah blah blah..............


:

Mmmmmmm Doughnuts..........

[Darth Helmut]

I agree with everything you say, Alex440 . Ironically, I'm no lover of the current Tory shower. They are just ever so slightly more credible as managers of a country than Labour. Better the devil you know.

Apart from 'should be a politician'. I have a spine, say what I mean and mean what I say

[....,,,,..,,..]

Back to the original point of the thread and the sickening attack.

Was reading some of the stories of some survivors today, in particular those that stood up and were counted.

Particularly liked Roy Larners story - Fuck you I am Millwall.

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/londo...-a3557811.html

Also we tend to go to same place when down at London HQ.


It is inspiring how people stand up and protect others, putting their own life on the line and just say 'Fuck You'

[teaston]

Originally Posted by Darth Helmut

I agree with everything you say, Alex440 . Ironically, I'm no lover of the current Tory shower. They are just ever so slightly more credible as managers of a country than Labour. Better the devil you know.

Apart from 'should be a politician'. I have a spine, say what I mean and mean what I say

Exactly my thoughts on it!

[Darth Helmut]

Originally Posted by Brigand

It is inspiring how people stand up and protect others, putting their own life on the line and just say 'Fuck You'

Its a shame that doesnt filter up to countless governments.