[F20MAW73]

Feeling like utter crap with Anxiety.

Suffered for over 10 years now with this in pretty much in silence. For most of the time I can keep on top of it and just soldier on without too much of an issue.

Today felt particularly bad. I got taken out for lunch by a client and I felt completely depersonalised and crippled with anxiety inside throughout the entire meal. My head felt tight, numb and dizzy and I just wanted to run through a fear of passing out. I have this same irrational fear in many public and work situations like meetings, cinemas, airports, shopping centres etc. Even experienced this horrible feeling just sitting in a traffic queue. Some times it passes in minutes sometimes hours.

Life has been good to me and I have had no traumatic experiences or anything like that. My wife is aware I suffer to a degree but I have learnt to mask it well especially with family and friends who are completely unaware. I feel embarrassed to feel this way and very alone with it. I would just like to feel normal again. I wouldn't say I have ever felt depressed or suicidal though which is very fortunate.

I run my own business therefore taking any extended leave is out the question. Work can be stressful and it is tiring commuting into London but for the most I do enjoy it. Of course work is necessary to pay the mortgage and bills as well unfortunately. Otherwise I probably would take a step back.

I have not been to the doctors as I don't particularly want any pills for this.

Anyway - that is me at the moment. Glad in someways to get this off my chest on here.

[creepy coupe]

You need professional help. If you have private health care BUPA offer a great service and they are fast to get you in for a chat.

[MickyD'bo]

You have to get help man. You need to see a professional. Mental health is so important. No stigma nowadays. Get to see someone. Hope you feel better soon man. Lobb will be along soon.

[Zippeh]

Originally Posted by F20MAW73

Feeling like utter crap with Anxiety.

Suffered for over 10 years now with this in pretty much in silence. For most of the time I can keep on top of it and just soldier on without too much of an issue.

Today felt particularly bad. I got taken out for lunch by a client and I felt completely depersonalised and crippled with anxiety inside throughout the entire meal. My head felt tight, numb and dizzy and I just wanted to run through a fear of passing out. I have this same irrational fear in many public and work situations like meetings, cinemas, airports, shopping centres etc. Even experienced this horrible feeling just sitting in a traffic queue. Some times it passes in minutes sometimes hours.

Life has been good to me and I have had no traumatic experiences or anything like that. My wife is aware I suffer to a degree but I have learnt to mask it well especially with family and friends who are completely unaware. I feel embarrassed to feel this way and very alone with it. I would just like to feel normal again. I wouldn't say I have ever felt depressed or suicidal though which is very fortunate.

I run my own business therefore taking any extended leave is out the question. Work can be stressful and it is tiring commuting into London but for the most I do enjoy it. Of course work is necessary to pay the mortgage and bills as well unfortunately. Otherwise I probably would take a step back.

I have not been to the doctors as I don't particularly want any pills for this.

Anyway - that is me at the moment. Glad in someways to get this off my chest on here.

I too suffer from very similar feelings in social situations.

Have you tried Mindfulness? I've done a course and there are some good techniques for coping with Anxiety in that.

[Roo12]

Going to the docs doesn't always have to be pills - the BUPA Careline can put you in touch with someone qualified to help - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may help you understand the triggers and give you some ways to help when you feel the anxiety coming on.

You've made the first step by sharing, take the next step by seeking help.

Best of luck

[MashinBenzin]

Nothing to be embarrassed about, mate. You've made a great start by sharing this and that's the first step to managing it

Definitely go see your GP and get referred to BUPA etc.

So many people have things like this and you would never know it, you're part of a much bigger 'club' than you probably realise.

Most of all, good luck and enjoy the festive break!

[MarkG_M5Comp]

If seeing your doctor seems too much right now, try the self referral providers:

https://www.iesohealth.com/en-gb/patients/west-sussex

Mindfulness is a great help however given you've been suffering for 10 years it's likely you'll need some professional CBT and this could be the first step.

As my GP rightly said to me - "Only you can take the first step, you just have so why not keep going..."

Best of luck.

[robwils]

Best of luck mate, there’s lots of us out here.
As others have said Mindfullness can help, meditation and relaxation tracks on your i pod too. Massage often a good therapy too.

Docs doesn’t always have to be pills either.

Rob

[dizzy619]

Hi mate..... I have suffered in the past and my wife has a couple of friends who suffer really bad with it... It properly sucks and often even if people know they don't really get what the feeling is like... Hope things work out for you in the near future.... I would let your wife know tho... She will be able to help.

[JLR1969]

Definitly open up to your wife fully, it will be a weight of your mind not having to keep secrets from her.

I am sure that you will be under a huge amount of stress and until the issue of stress is resolved other issues will only continue to develop.

You have to seek professional advice

If you don't have a quality of life then everything else is pointless

[Rbrown]

People who break their arms get sympathy

Some people run away when mental health mentioned.

Thankfully, that doesn’t happen on here.

Stay strong and talk.

[335dMSport+]

Well done for opening up, that's the first step.

I too run a business and from the outside I'm a personable and outgoing person yet on the inside my chest wants to explode when I'm in social situations that I can't escape, mainly those with lots of people in a cramped environment.

My wife was ridiculously helpful when I opened up to her and said that it explained many things! Having been to the doctors and told him the complete truth, he explained that a chemical imbalance isn't a weakness but a health issue and prescribed me anti-depressants. I took them over the winter and spring and felt 100% better that I was able to come off them but I now know my trigger points and know what'll help if I ever get myself into that rut again.

So I'd definitely suggest speaking to your Doctors and not be afraid of admitting your issues or accepting the help that will be offered.

Good luck!

[HighlandPete]

Good advice being posted.

My advice is try and find the reasons/causes behind your anxiety. Multitude of influences, from genetic predisposition, through to being on the verge of burnout, or a nervous breakdown.

I have the predisposition to be anxious, hard to control at times. When at the peak of my career, (best times in my working life), I would go into work and be like a jelly, even though I was enjoying what I was doing. I recall even going into the design office early, to avoid the presence of other guys I was working with all day. I'd still be trembling and almost in a panic. I was clearly suffering 'burnout' as a result of "too long in the anxious state" and pushing myself on each day.

The problem was, I was trying to self manage my anxiety (as I had for years), but with too many balls in the air at that time, was to my detriment. Went to the Doc, had a honest and frank discussion and he put forward two ways to sort it, (other than be put on 'the sick'). No drugs, (so don't fear that as the first option). 1. Could I change my life myself, family friends, peers, etc., or 2. Did I want a councillor to steer me?

I chose the first option, with the knowledge I could take the second path if needed. I managed to make the changes necessary to sort myself. Family and friends are essential, you can't just sort yourself alone. You need listening ears, understanding and support.

Whatever you think currently, don't see anxiety as a weakness or defect, there are causes. Identify them and make plans with those around you to address them, don't expect instant results.

There are plenty of listening ears on here, privately if that suits you best.

[Skwirrel]

The great irony of suffering with depression or anxiety is that when you are suffering and low, the help you need feels so far out of reach, even though there are people close by who can and will help.

Firstly, talking helps immensely, someone professionally trained is actually a lot easier as there is no emotional attachment to what you say. They will help you understand how to offload and share your thoughts with people whom you trust in your personal life. They will also help you understand potential trigger points to either avoid or build a strategy to insulate you from the effects of them.

You will quickly learn that many people suffer similarly and opening up a little is in my experience overwhelming positive. You will also find that other people open up to you once you have made the first move, which in itself can be cathartic.

Secondly, depression and anxiety crushes confidence and makes you doubt even the simplest everyday decisions. I speak from experience and can share some things that help me manage when times are bad.

Trust yourself, no one knows you better than you do. Be more selfish and put yourself first more. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Try not to fight it, and accept who and how you are. Try to do some things for you and the people you care about. Live in the moment more. Appreciate the things that are going right today rather than dwell or worry about the the things that might not go to plan - that might not even happen ! Understand what makes you happy and less stressed and spend more time doing them. Say no to people more often.

It sounds easy but it is not. It took me 15 years to seek help and it took a while to find the right people who were able to make a difference. One thing I can tell you is that the strength and determination it takes to hide away your stress and anxiety from everyone else is what will get you well again. Do not feel embarrassed or ashamed.

If you feel up to it, go and see your doctor,

[F20MAW73]

Thank you all for the the very thoughtful responses. It really does help and is much appreciated.

I have a private medical through work. So will explore this option following a visit to the doctors in the new year. Although I do want to make sure no private correspondance via the insurers comes back into the workplace which others might innocently open. I really do not want the addeded pressure of my employees knowing of my anxiety issues at this stage.

My wife I am sure will be very supportive. I really need to sit down and open up about how bad it has got at times as I don't think she fully understands how debilitating it can be. I do tend to brush it off thinking it will go away hence here I am suffering 10 years later.

I know I need a bit more 'me' time and to get some proper relaxation and rest. Last night we were invited round neighbours for pre festive drinks as they were going away for Christmas. I didn't drink too much at all but it ended up being a very late night which is no good for me when getting up early in the morning for the commute into work. In fact I think lack of sleep is a big contributor to my anxiety so I need to address this issue. Lack of sleep does make me feel very jittery which is a big trigger for my anxiety. More exercise and cleaner eating will help.

Thanks again everyone for the responces and great pointers. Its nice to know I am not alone with this.

[UKF30]

You must see someone soon rather than leaving it too late mate , life too short and you don't want to spend it like this .

As all members have said we all here and best thing about this forum is that all help and listen and defo advise to keep talking to Mrs , they can be a lot help sometime.

Lobb 's posts are always bonkers but today he showed that he is a good person and helps where needed . Respect.

[Horley900]

If you ever need to talk, sometimes a strange face is all you need to open up. If you ever need to talk than I can always help. I suffered for years by myself with depression, when I took that step and talked to someone it became the best decision of my life. It's not a miracle cure but you will get through it and you will feel better.
I'm not sure where your based but I'm in kent and always open to help out.

[XAlp]

Very best wishes to you

[bodtwo]

Wife suffered for years, it was only when she opened up about it with people that she began to take control of it.

Talk to your wife, talk to those around you. Strength comes in many different forms.

[rich100]

I think blokes have a tendency to bottle things up and avoid talking about stuff, I know I'm guilty of this. I had a particularly bad episode (for me ) a couple of years back but have had episodes of it on and off now for a number of years. i did eventually talk to my GP about it. I think talking to your wife is definitely a good first step but would also recommend seeking professional help. As everyone else has already said there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

I read a large number of books on anxiety and depression, essentially trying to understand it better and fix the problem myself. One particularly good book that I took a lot from was by a guy called Paul David and is called "At last a life".

[MarkG_M5Comp]

Just a couple of pointers - it was 14 months ago, at the age of 42 when I sat in front of my GP in tears - I've kicked it almost entirely now but had to make some decisive changes:

Don't ask too much of your wife (ie. don't make it her problem) but just ask her to understand. My wife was great, she didn't DO lots for me (no need) but she didn't get on my back about anything and made sure I had a decent amount of alone time. She also became the voice of reason... 'why are you doing so much, sit down and take 10 minutes, it can wait' kind of stuff.

I was adamant I didn't want pills when I saw my GP he left it to me but made it clear that what he saw was 'someone breaking' and helped me identify it was due to external factors that I'd become so bad. I took the pills, it gave me the best Christmas for years and I went back to work with a plan. I was off the pills after 8 months. Summary: consider taking the pills but only once you've talked about your plan to get off them.

Re. privacy concerns - the private company cannot share details but our company can ask for an occupational health review if they feel it could affect your work. Speak to your GP about this as mine was very knowledgeable.

Stay connected to these guys on here - Tengo, NISFAN and GTSussex played a not-insignificant part in my journey back to a better place.

[1966-TR4]

I have had a couple of episodes lasting a few months, possibly not as bad as yours, but still a shock to me, to the point where I felt like I might be going mad. I would worry intensely about having "an episode" whilst driving or in front of other people, or both. Worried that I would lose control over what I was saying.

I used to conflate the feelings with thinking I was a bit hypo / low blood sugar, no real evidence for that, but having a piece of fruit or a biscuit within reach became a necessity for me and I suppose led me into making some lifestyle changes which made me feel more in control - more exercise, high dose cod liver oil capsules (omega 3 fatty acids very important for brain function), less booze, better eating generally. As you've identified yourself, the way you feel physically can be a bit of a trigger as tiredness, hunger, hangovers can feel like the early stages of an episode. I did try a bit of counselling, which worked up to a point, but ultimately for me I had more success with making changes in my life.